exploratorium disjunction (or where's Tesla when you need him?)

I need a record store that’s categorized by:

Bedroom Albums

Car Albums

Backyard Albums

3 Or More Windows Open Albums

Alone in the Living Room with the Record Player Albums, Windows Shut

One Friend Over Albums

Breakfast Table Albums (rare recordings)

Bathtub Albums (rarer recordings)

Music You Can Barely Hear Over the Running Water of the Shower But That’s How it Sounds Best Albums

Sleeping Albums

Sitting Alone on Your Couch at 2 PM Albums and

Music for When You Don’t Feel Like Listening to Music Albums